My Dating Tips!

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I've been reading quite of lot of threads about dating problems. and I thought as i've got some time to kill that I would share some of my tips. These are things that i've worked on for the past ten years or so, and i've had more dates than I care to remember so if I can help just one person with this then I'm happy! :-)

About me:
I used to have a problem with confidence which with age has improved although even now I'm quite a nervous person when it comes to flirting, dating etc. With this in mind I don't want anyone to think I'm some kind of been there, done it, got the t-shirt person. I'm not, I still experience problems myself with expression from time to time!

My tips:

Be Yourself - Be the friend first!
I've always found that trying to be someone you're not, or trying too hard to impress doesn't work. For someone to be attracted to you it is best done by them seeing your normal everyday self. by talking to someone as you would anyone else, they get to see the REAL DEAL!

Fact finding:
If you are interested in someone, get to know them before you JUMP! Approach them as a friend in the first instance and through relaxed and friendly conversation find out as much as you can about them. People love talking about themselves normally so as long as your approach is friendly, you shouldn't have too much difficulty finding out new and interesting things about them. Also, try not to be nosy! - If there is something that you are really interested to find out (maybe more detail about something they said) ask yourself if it would be too much too soon to make them talk about it now. (write down things that you want to remember, these come in handy when making further conversation....all will be revealed in a bit!)

Plan for a date:
From my own experience, if you just ask outright for a date the chances are you might not get one! Sometimes people feel too nervous when asked and say no because they feel uncomfortable and walk away thinking 'why did I say NO? - I feel stupid now!'

Use the information from your fact find to come up with an idea of where you could meet and what you could do for a date. Sometimes just asking someone out for a drink doesn't do the trick, because they might think that they talk to you enough when they see you anyway! Look for something that you feel they might be up for doing and work towards that for your meeting.

Asking them out:
Phew! This is the hard part! - It only has to be as hard as you make it though!
If I'm going to ask someone out, I like to think about the whole conversation before hand, think about what I'd like to say, how I'd like to say it, and how the person is likely to react.

Before asking them out, think about phrases that YOU feel comfortable using. I'm not one for pick up lines or MR SMOOTH small talk, so I like to use phrases that are simple for me to say, make me feel comfortable saying them, and that won't put her on the spot! An idea is that you could think of what you'd like to say, write it down then re-word it so it feels better to say:

For example: Instead of saying 'I really fancy you!', I might change the phrase to 'I think your hair looks nice' or 'I like your ITEM OF CLOTHING, it really suits you'. Those to me I find easy to say and are paying compliment, which is as close as you can get to 'I really like you' without saying it!

Look for a date opportunity - By talking about something that I know she would be interested in (from the fact find), I would then focus on trying to arrange to meet up. I don't personally like using the term 'date', I find it very formal. I like to see it as a 'meeting' or simply as a 'get together'....
...once I find something that she would be interested in doing, I work towards closing the conversation and getting a date!

Use a trial close:
If like me you get really nervous about actually asking the question, a trial close might suit you. A trial close is where you mention what you'd like to do with them (the date), and ask them how they would feel about it, before you actually ask them:

Example of a trial close:

'If you're not working on Tuesday night, and there was enough time for us to do ACTIVITY....would you be interested?'

You may get an objection, which you would then need to overcome through more conversation or leave it for another day to try again. If you get a straight NO, then you know where you stand.

Close for the arrangement:
Follow on from the trial close, and try and make the arrangement. I would always ask for their phone number (if I didn't already have it) as I would say that I'd phone the day before to check that everything was still OK (that way I shouldn't get stood up!). Also by making a quick call the day before, you can overcome any objections that might arise from nerves about meeting up - 'don't worry it will be a good laugh/great fun, you'll enjoy yourself'

The date:
Weren't nervous before? - you are now! right?
I think the number one rule has to be - BE YOURSELF!
Try not to worry about being someone you are not, or trying to present yourself differently. You want the other person to see the REAL YOU. In saying that try not to under dress (look scruffy) and also don't go over board with your choice of clothing. If you don't normally wear a suit/dress then don't wear one tonight (unless you haven't got a choice!).

Once you are ready to go out, the time before hand can go really slow, my best advice would be to set an alarm before you plan to leave and then try and forget that you are going out on a date. Try to imagine that it is any normal day/evening, put the TV on and watch the normal things you'd watch if you stayed in etc.

Break the ice:
I used to find the worst part of the date was just breaking the ice. I remember dates that were terrible because the whole evening was filled with nerves. If you want to take the imitative and break the ice, then think about sharing a quick joke (good taste of course) or something funny that you saw or were told about. A friend of mine once ordered a drink with ice and then threw the ice on the floor and said 'that's the ice broken, where shall we sit?' (imo a very good ice breaker indeed)

In conversation:
Don't spend the whole date talking about you or things that interest you. Go back to your original fact find (again) and ask questions and invite them to talk about their interest(s). If you really struggle to think of questions to ask, use some easy ones like: favorite colour, animal, TV show, film, pop band........ (I find these are great for conversation as you end up having a really interesting chat about something unexpected like 'Boy Bands of the 1990's!' talk about these things whilst you think of another interesting question.
If things are going well and you like them, pay compliments, but only say things that you mean: 'I think you are funny' because you just told a joke or 'I think your hair looks great' because you were worried about it not looking as good as normal etc.......

At the end of the date:
If anyone asks how a date went, we only seem to remember the last bit! 'He said he wants to see me again' or 'She said that she isn't sure if she will have time to see me again'. So with this in mind IMO it's important to try and end the date well.

IMO, too many of us try to make something happen at the end of the date as if it's going to make a difference. I don't see any rule that says if you don't kiss at the end of the date, the date was a waste of time. Some people don't feel comfortable opening up until they have had several dates with the same person, so don't worry if you don't feel confident in expressing yourself.

Ending the date well means trying to achieve two things IMO, 1) check that they had a nice time and 2) would they like to meet up again (2nd date). My advice to those who are determined to try and end the night with a passionate smooch is make that third on your agenda, secure the first two things first!


So there we go, there's my helpful advice on successful dating. I would add that if you have a perfect date you are very lucky. The important thing is to be yourself, be a friend first, enjoy the company and arrange to meet again. If it's going to lead to a relationship, you won't need me or anyone else to tell you what the signs are.

Hope the one person who reads to this point has benefited in some way!

Happy dating! :-) for more please visit WWW.Google.com